I like to think even today that I am absolutely recovered. By the time I was 4 or 5 I remember wanting to cut my body because it was reprehensible.Ĭontinue reading “Legal Child Abuse and Parental Neglect Iced over with Ignorance”įalse pride has been my most besetting character defect. He was my teacher and he showed me I scarcely had a right to be on this earth. He taught me that my young and excited hopes and dreams were ridiculous and I could not possibly attain any of them.

Father you taught me I was literally disgusting. Who allows their little daughter of 3 or 4 to walk into a pile of hot coals? I suffered 3rd degree burns on my butt and legs for my parents….neglect was it? I remember the mail man bringing me home at the age of 3 because I wondered down the highway with no supervision.įirstly how in the hell does a man justify beating a little 3 or 4 year old girl. Thing is I had no idea what child abuse looked like so I blamed myself for every beating, verbal belittling, rejections, abandonments, and violent strike my father gave me before the age of 5. I learned it from my father who I now loath. I spent the first 17 years of my life learning from those I trusted and loved most what a horrible person I was. We were beautiful and innocent babies who had not even learned right from wrong. Of goods and commenced to live up to what I was sold.Ĭontinue reading “The Story of an Addict Who Recovered”įirstly who can justify beating with a belt or even an open hand little baby girls. Mind always living/acting as status quos dictated, trying to be someone else. I (my true heart) became a prisoner in my own It took years of work to understand the emotional inner workings of my subconscious.Īnd so with this starke, devastating truth of who and what I was (inferior) I had to shut down and transform into someone else. Of course I had no idea of this at the time. Identity so no one would see how bad and wrong I was. And that everything about me was wrong both inside and out. That the whole world of people were all superior to me in every way. I had to numb my fear, shame, and intense feeling of inferiority.įor me, at a young age I was taught (in so many words and lessons) My answer to the question “what was I numbing when I was using drugs and alcohol addictively?” And while we are in this state we also project our punishing onto those around us, often those we love most. It’s an attempt which is seldom realized by the punisher. However, that is a sick attempts at getting well. Clearly those who punish themselves must in some subconscious way feel they can beat themselves to a point of rendering their identity clean and clear from self loathing once again.

Until we figure out and heal from whatever it is we feel we must punish ourselves for our addiction will remain a mystery. Every addict has one thing in common, self punishment.

Emotional malody